KIDNAPPING AT GNOME VALLEY BANK
BY MILLICENT TRIVETTE JENSSON (aka Milly)
On the night of October 6, around midnight, my brother Teodor was working, under the light of the almost full harvest moon, repairing the extensive damage done to the Magical Vault door.
BY MILLICENT TRIVETTE JENSSON (aka Milly)
On the night of October 6, around midnight, my brother Teodor was working, under the light of the almost full harvest moon, repairing the extensive damage done to the Magical Vault door.
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The damage, ----------------------------> perpetrated by a band of especially nasty local trolls, had occurred weeks earlier. Their vandalism did nothing to harm the vault or vault operations. It did, however, render the poor exterior door, now visible to humans, rather sorry looking.
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Our father, Torgen, was assisting Teodor with some of the more intricate welding and magic spells needed for the door fix. Immediately after the most delicate of the repairs were complete, our father received an urgent telepathic message from a gnome up the valley who had accidentally fallen down a crumbling and abandoned snake hole. The stuck gnome was being buried alive, as the hole continued to crumble on top of him with any attempt he made to escape. Naturally, Torgen immediately called for the assistance of Coyote Jack and raced to the trapped gnome’s aid; thus, leaving Teodor to finish the night’s work himself. All was going well for Teodor |
The Stupidity of Trolls
Trolls are very stupid and almost always fail in their attempts at breaking and entering. In fact, if trolls are successful in breaking into anything, they usually struggled so hard to do so, that by the time they are inside, they have completely forgotten why they wanted to be there in the 1st place. So they usually, just do some lighthearted messing up of the joint and then leave because of hunger (trolls are constantly hungry). Trolls are also, almost always unsuccessful at robbery. If they do, by some unusual circumstance succeed at stealing something, it is usually due to their own dumb luck, sheer stupidity of a third party, or carelessness on the part of the victim. Also, even if they are successful in getting their hands on something that isn’t theirs, they rarely hold onto it for long (often, they unknowingly trade it right back to the owner…who was able to very quickly figure out who the robbers were…for something completely useless and worthless, but for which the trolls are tricked into thinking is magical, delicious or of great worth). |
and he was nearly finished with the repairs (which he reports looked AMAZING) until a band of trolls came stumbling into town. They were singing loudly (and awfully), hiccupping, snorting, tripping, pushing and shoving their way down Cottage Avenue. When they reached the center of town, they attacked a wonderful scarecrow that had been put up by one of the kind humans of Cashmere, in celebration of Cashmere’s Annual Scarecrazy Festival. The scarecrow, was fashioned as a United States Military Officer. He was standing at attention in army fatigues, saluting the large United States flag that flies proudly over Cashmere’s downtown.
Every year the humans of Cashmere, celebrate Scarecrazy! A delightful event where businesses and homes create nearly 100 scarecrows of every shape and size and display them on the sidewalks, in the shop windows, climbing up buildings, climbing out of buildings and scattered throughout town during each month of October.
With absolutely no respect for the self-sacrifice, dedication and deep love for one’s country that the military scarecrow represented, the ugly, stupid trolls tore it apart, dismantled the body and STOLE the uniform. What HORRIBLE AWFUL CREATURES THEY ARE!!!
Every year the humans of Cashmere, celebrate Scarecrazy! A delightful event where businesses and homes create nearly 100 scarecrows of every shape and size and display them on the sidewalks, in the shop windows, climbing up buildings, climbing out of buildings and scattered throughout town during each month of October.
With absolutely no respect for the self-sacrifice, dedication and deep love for one’s country that the military scarecrow represented, the ugly, stupid trolls tore it apart, dismantled the body and STOLE the uniform. What HORRIBLE AWFUL CREATURES THEY ARE!!!
Teodor, not one to stand aside and watch a crime (much less
a hate crime) occur, yelled at the trolls.
He would have and could have used his magic to stop them, but
unfortunately, the scarecrow, though created by a human and representing a
human, was not a living creature. Gnomes
can only use magic to help another living creature. So Teodor was left to his natural devices to
stop the rampaging trolls.
Teodor quickly stashed his tools inside the vault and moved toward the trolls just as they were making off with the military scarecrow. It was only him against the trolls and there were six of them, all large, all fat and all male (they were also all stinky). Teodor was sorely outnumbered, but he paid no heed. He yelled and he threw rocks and gave chase.
When he easily reached the horrible trolls, he jumped on the back of the one carrying the dismantled scarecrow. Despite being 6 times smaller than each one of the trolls, Teodor put up a valiant fight. He was successful enough in distracting them, that they dropped the body of the scarecrow, but in the struggle, the uniform had slipped off. Teodor grabbed one end of the shirt and pants and he pulled with all his might. The six trolls pulled on the other end, though often one or some stumbled or tripped or fell down. For a few minutes, it looked like Teodor had the upper hand. Just like in tug-o-war, the trolls were slowly being pulled by Teodor as he moved backwards toward the Avenue. That brave 15 cm tall gnome was pulling six fat, ugly, stinky trolls, each at least three feet tall all by himself! What a sight!
Unfortunately, Teodor’s upperhand didn’t last long. In the excitement, he forgot to look behind him as he pulled on the uniform. With one great tug, he slammed backwards into a brick wall and the six stumbling trolls were catapulted on top of him into a big pile. Teodor suddenly found himself on the bottom of the smelliest, stickiest, dirtiest heap he’d ever experienced. Immediately his nose started burning. His eyes watered. The stench was beyond what he could handle. Teodor passed out.
The next thing poor Teodor gnew, he was in the back of a troll cave, “locked” in a cage (a cage he could dismantle in about 10 seconds flat, if he tried). The six trolls were nowhere in sight. The military uniform was nowhere in sight. But in front of the cage was the beastiest, hairiest female troll Teodor had ever seen in his life (Ok. To be honest, Teodor had never seen any troll before this particular night). The female troll had a little, younger female troll by her side. They were both puffing away on human tobacco pipes. They each had a couple of crooked yellow and brown teeth and they grinned as they filled the cave with smoke.
The big momma troll thought she and her daughter were so smart. She thought the smoke was torturing Teodor. It was stinky and it did irritate his lungs and eyes. But what that stupid troll didn’t gnow was that the tobacco was shielding our dear Teodor from what would have been true torture – the constant troll farts that are always the worst part of a trollknapping. To learn more about the
Teodor quickly stashed his tools inside the vault and moved toward the trolls just as they were making off with the military scarecrow. It was only him against the trolls and there were six of them, all large, all fat and all male (they were also all stinky). Teodor was sorely outnumbered, but he paid no heed. He yelled and he threw rocks and gave chase.
When he easily reached the horrible trolls, he jumped on the back of the one carrying the dismantled scarecrow. Despite being 6 times smaller than each one of the trolls, Teodor put up a valiant fight. He was successful enough in distracting them, that they dropped the body of the scarecrow, but in the struggle, the uniform had slipped off. Teodor grabbed one end of the shirt and pants and he pulled with all his might. The six trolls pulled on the other end, though often one or some stumbled or tripped or fell down. For a few minutes, it looked like Teodor had the upper hand. Just like in tug-o-war, the trolls were slowly being pulled by Teodor as he moved backwards toward the Avenue. That brave 15 cm tall gnome was pulling six fat, ugly, stinky trolls, each at least three feet tall all by himself! What a sight!
Unfortunately, Teodor’s upperhand didn’t last long. In the excitement, he forgot to look behind him as he pulled on the uniform. With one great tug, he slammed backwards into a brick wall and the six stumbling trolls were catapulted on top of him into a big pile. Teodor suddenly found himself on the bottom of the smelliest, stickiest, dirtiest heap he’d ever experienced. Immediately his nose started burning. His eyes watered. The stench was beyond what he could handle. Teodor passed out.
The next thing poor Teodor gnew, he was in the back of a troll cave, “locked” in a cage (a cage he could dismantle in about 10 seconds flat, if he tried). The six trolls were nowhere in sight. The military uniform was nowhere in sight. But in front of the cage was the beastiest, hairiest female troll Teodor had ever seen in his life (Ok. To be honest, Teodor had never seen any troll before this particular night). The female troll had a little, younger female troll by her side. They were both puffing away on human tobacco pipes. They each had a couple of crooked yellow and brown teeth and they grinned as they filled the cave with smoke.
The big momma troll thought she and her daughter were so smart. She thought the smoke was torturing Teodor. It was stinky and it did irritate his lungs and eyes. But what that stupid troll didn’t gnow was that the tobacco was shielding our dear Teodor from what would have been true torture – the constant troll farts that are always the worst part of a trollknapping. To learn more about the
As the cave grew smokier and smokier, Teodor relaxed. He gnew it was only a matter of time before
he would find an opportunity to escape or until a rescue party found him. He used the quiet, smoky atmosphere of the cave
to catch up on some sleep and to telepathically send some greeting cards he’d
been meaning to write.
And that’s exactly what happened. Shortly after 2am the night after the kidnapping, Teodor was rescued by his father and the gnome his father had freed from the snake hole. It was a rather dull rescue. The momma troll and her baby had fallen asleep and Teodor, himself asleep, hadn’t noticed. Otherwise, he would have simply walked right outside alone. Instead, his father came inside the troll cave, opened the gate to the cage and woke the sleeping Teodor. All three were home before sunrise.
Unfortunately, the military uniform has never been found. It is a sad day when trolls of any kind are able to disturb the peace and upset other creatures. It is an especially sad day when their actions take aim at a meaningful and important symbol, as that American military scarecrow, saluting the flag clearly was.
The good news in this story is that no one, including Teodor, got hurt (Teodor did briefly suffer some nasal burns from being so close to the gaseous farts of trolls, but those healed quickly). Also, good news is that, though clearly disappointed about the theft, the townspeople of Cashmere would never let such a thoughtless crime ruin their spirit. Read the human story about how the military
And that’s exactly what happened. Shortly after 2am the night after the kidnapping, Teodor was rescued by his father and the gnome his father had freed from the snake hole. It was a rather dull rescue. The momma troll and her baby had fallen asleep and Teodor, himself asleep, hadn’t noticed. Otherwise, he would have simply walked right outside alone. Instead, his father came inside the troll cave, opened the gate to the cage and woke the sleeping Teodor. All three were home before sunrise.
Unfortunately, the military uniform has never been found. It is a sad day when trolls of any kind are able to disturb the peace and upset other creatures. It is an especially sad day when their actions take aim at a meaningful and important symbol, as that American military scarecrow, saluting the flag clearly was.
The good news in this story is that no one, including Teodor, got hurt (Teodor did briefly suffer some nasal burns from being so close to the gaseous farts of trolls, but those healed quickly). Also, good news is that, though clearly disappointed about the theft, the townspeople of Cashmere would never let such a thoughtless crime ruin their spirit. Read the human story about how the military
And finally, the best news of all, for those of us on the Gnome Door Revealing Committee, is that the door to the Magical Vault of Everything is finally fixed!
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The fix doesn’t look as good as Teodor and his father had originally planned. Teodor, still mad about his kidnapping experience, decided to give the nasty trolls a little bit of their own medicine: Trolls cannot stand black licorice. The smell of black licorice causes them to immediately cry out in pain.
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Their tears water. Their mouths pucker. Their noses runs even more than usual and, in their distress, they slap and pinch their own faces, heads and necks, while running from the source of the odor (lavender and roses have a similar effect).
If you look closely, you can see some of the black licorice glue peeking out from above the new door.
If you look closely, you can see some of the black licorice glue peeking out from above the new door.
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peeking out from above the new door.---------------------------------------->
Teodor put a whole gob of it on, much more than was actually necessary, all in the hope that it would be the final repellant |
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needed to keep those blasted trolls away from the Magical Vault of Everything.